Good days, bad days: they’re all just days I guess. Wake up, consume edible things, inject caffeine into system via the digestive tract, move about performing either meaningful or self-indulgent tasks, consume further edible things, excrete, see friends or don’t see friends, read or watch things on screens, be happy, be unhappy…
In a years time today’s emotions and most of today’s actions will be virtually irretrievable by memory. In ten years time they will have been indecipherable etchings on an eternal, constantly wiped and rewritten chalkboard. In fifty I won’t be here to even try to recount them.
Yes, I’m somewhat existential today.
Mostly I am aware of my body hurting. I’ll accept that, yesterday my body was reasonably kind to me and did not get in the way of the things I needed and wanted to do. Today will probably be more limited but there is less I need and want to do. I’ve picked up my flight tickets, I’m about to have a coffee with a friend: such things are more than enough to render my day fulfilling.
In two weeks from now I shall be high above the clouds on my way to America. I’m as excited as I allow myself to be in advance of big events (too much excitement can rob me of energy I need to go about my daily business, something I learnt years ago when anticipation of important gigs used to mess with my head and emotions days and weeks before they were due to take place). I am also now a little anxious about the flight itself as evidenced by a bit of an ‘oh fuck I hope there isn’t any crashing’ moment as I was trying to fall asleep last night. But I wouldn’t be right in the head if I wanted there to be some crashing, would I?
Fear and excitement are both caused by overstimulation of adrenal responses so perhaps we cannot have one without a hint of the other? Biologists and psychologists would know about this. I just know about rock and roll, books and being a loony, which makes my brain quite full enough without hankering for more detailed knowledge of sciencey stuff. Unless it is astrophysics. If I could rewind twenty five years I’d cram a lot more astrophysics into my brain. Maybe then I could wander about in front of a camera, looking like an emo deer, telling all of you about astrophysics stuff in a laid back fashion. Which would be frightening. Or exciting.