There may be an art to seeking which is not to look directly at anything. Those things we see in the corner of our eyes are often the most intriguing, most important, most impactive.
“Can’t see for looking.” I don’t know if this is a common phrase or a family one. I know about woods and trees but this version is the one that usually springs to mind for me. How many times in my life have I been blind to what is already there because I’ve been scanning the horizon for something grand or flashy to arrive? This question is rhetorical because of course I don’t know the number of times this has happened as mostly I’ve missed the things already in my field of vision exactly because of scanning the horizon.
Whether the things I am seeking now are different from those I sought in earlier times I am uncertain. It feels like there is a connected thread to the journey of my life but I would think that, wouldn’t I? I’m living it linearly and trying to make sense of myself as an ever changing but consistently self-aware being so am bound to come up with a meta-narrative of Steveness. I might be wrong, I might be scrambling about in the dark grasping at straws and metaphors kidding myself there is a persistence of self throughout. I might be an avocado dreaming I am a man.
Guacamole. Please don’t make guacamole out of me unless is it scientifically proven I am an avocado.