If You Have A Problem, If No-One Else Can Help…

IMG_2446Hannibal from the A Team was doing a jigsaw of some daffodils and had just completed an entire stem and petal combo. “I love it when a plant comes together.” he said, before puffing on his in no way penile cigar .

I love it when a plan comes together too. I had a plan this morning. The plan was get up and go to my ‘healthy heart’ review at the doctor’s surgery. And that plan came together perfectly. I got up. I went to the surgery. I was reviewed. My heart seems healthy enough. All very satisfying. Unless the nurse was really Howling Mad Murdoch in one of his many disguises and lied to me about the healthiness of my heart because I am an evil drug baron threatening the 80s-haired wife of a former army buddy of the A Team.

I also love it when no more further plans need to come together for the rest of the live long day, leaving me free to write utter shash in blog format and lounge about being a lounger abouterer.

I am not, however, going up in no plane today. Furthermore, I pity the fool who would wish to try to make me go up in a plane today. I would even go so far as to call that fool (whom I pity) a ‘mudsucker’ which, as we all know full well, is family viewing time speak for ‘motherfucker’. Or, as Stephen Fry might say, ‘person who has carnal relations with his maternal parent’.

I have nothing witty to say about the other one from the A Team: he was only there because he was pretty and they needed someone for an endless array of female guest stars to appear to fall in love with across the season. I bet he looks like a cow’s arse now. I pity the female guest star who has to appear to fall in love with him now.

Oh, and if I were an evil drug baron threatening the 80s-haired wife of a former army buddy of the A Team, I’d actually fucking kill people with my billion bullets a second semi-automatic instead of firing off a slew of slugs that consistently fail to hit a single one of that meddling foursome while they only require a single shot from a handgun to take out any of my henchmen. Equal rights for evil drug barons.

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