The Suckiest Bunch Of Sucky Stuff Since The Last Big Bunch Of Sucky Stuff

1107613Wednesday sucks. Which is convenient as I have only one thing to say to Wednesday – ‘Suck it, you shitty wanker of a day.”

Coughing all night until I finally managed to sleep at something like six in the morning is not a great introduction to Wednesday in the first place. Suck it, coughing. Suck it lack of sleep. Suck my fat one (whoever told me I had a fat one?).

Ha ha, Stand By Me references are so 1986.

When I slept it was until the middling part of the day. I was coughing a bit less so I tentatively decided Wednesday and I might renew our friendship after all. I might put some laundry in the machine, do some grocery shopping, buy guinea pigs for the children down at the orphanage…

Suck it, Wednesday. Suck it wheel clamp attached to my front fucking tyre. Suck it wheel clamp company who are legally bound up in the bureaucratic bullshit created by the council so that they won’t remove the clamp until I’ve coughed up my savings account. well that’s not what they said, they didn’t just ask for the contents of my savings account. That would have backfired if I’d only had fifty pence and an old lozenge in there. But it so turns out that, give or take a few quid, the amount I had to stump up was pretty much what I have saved towards nice things in the future. Suck it, future.

Clampy McClampfucks were actually helpful, however. They advised me on how to word my latest appeal against the parking ticket that caused all of this crap to happen. The parking ticket from December 2015 that a lack of recent correspondence from the council themselves led me into the false security of believing they’d finally accepted I shouldn’t have been ticketed in the first place. So I’ve paid the fine not because I agree with the ticket but in goodwill, prior to yet another appeal to the council to acknowledge the facts of the case. Suck it, council. Suck it until you choke.

Now I feel like my safety blanket has been taken away. The savings account money acts as a buffer against unforeseen shittery and I like to try to have a month’s rent in reserve there in case such shittery happens. And, when it doesn’t happen, to then spend some of it on nice things in the future. The now sucky future. Well shittery HAS happened and I no likey. Suck it, shittery. Suck it until all the flavour has drained away from it and your cheekbones corrode away.

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