Life is struggle, some just struggle less than others. To be Darwinian for a moment, eat the poor. No sorry, that’s eugenics, not Darwinism. What I meant to say was that some of us are closer to the bottom of the existential food chain while others are corrupt fuckers controlling our lives. Or something less politically inflammatory if you can’t cope with harsh social realities.
I’ve been struggling this week. Struggling to cope with a downturn in my physical health; struggling to handle the postponement of the therapy session that should have happened on Wednesday; struggling to find purpose and momentum. No wonder I’m exhausted. I’ve spent much of today slobbing about eating sandwiches, drinking caffeine liquids and watching numpty crap on that internet of things.
There have been, as there always are, moments of wonder and joy even while my struggles have unfolded. None of us would stay interested in living for long if it were not this way. If medieval serfs could somehow have lived into their eighties would they actually have decided enough was enough with the downtrodden bullshit halfway through that time and just fallen down dead in the fields? Maybe that is what happened. Maybe science hasn’t increased lifespan at all, maybe a slight improvement in the everyday lot of the least privileged people has encouraged most of us not to check out before the end of the show.
My mind is in America most of the time now. If only fate would deign to show me a way I can arrange to have my body join it.