The Dos and Don’ts of Grocery Shopping

IMG_2608Never go grocery shopping when you have had hardly any sleep because of twisted to fuckery muscles in your stomach which hurt to fuckery too. Unless you have a serious lack of groceries in your home in which case always go grocery shopping when you have had hardly any sleep etc and so on…

Lean heavily on the trolley but try not to groan overly loudly lest other shoppers imagine you are humping the trolley you’re leaning heavily on. I once knew a woman who married a shopping trolley. It didn’t work out: he kept giving her shocks of static electricity and she kicked him out; he drowned himself in a nearby stream. Tragic.

Under no circumstances should you fill your trolley with heavy as fuck stuff like cartons of juice and elephant penises because transferring it all into bags and having to carry said bags from store to car and later from car to home will completely bugger up your stomach muscles again. Ouchy fucking ouchers.

Do eat comfort foods and tell yourself you are a trooper for even getting out of bed. And watch Doctor Who in a minute.

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