Never Mind The Bollocks

IMG_2615So here’s some added fun. In the middle of the night, on waking for the zillionth time as my ouchy stomach makes it hard to find a comfortable position to stay asleep, I went for a piss and noticed that one of my testicles was larger than the other. Yes, you read that right, I’m divulging an intimate thing in my blog. No, I’m not posting a photograph of that.

It wasn’t painful but it was evidently not quite right so I phoned the NHS non-emergency line and they booked me a walk-in appointment for today, both to double check there isn’t anything to be concerned about with my stomach and so that I could suffer the indignity of a doctor handling my junk.

Two doctors, as it turned out. I must have great junk if the first one wanted another to come and have a go too. I also had an X-Ray taken of my abdomen which didn’t show up anything they were worried about: it pretty much is what I’d assumed, pulled muscles from having been coughing so bloody much last week mid respiratory flare-up.

But they’re not sure what’s going on with my man bags so I will get an appointment sent through for a scan in the next few days, just to rule out the bad stuff. It might be a small hernia or a build up of fluid but, and this is why I have written about it, men of all ages do need to check their balls regularly in case of testicular cancer. The doctors think it’s highly unlikely that’s what is going on but better safe than sorry.

If you decide to get your nads checked out, gents – and I do recommend it for peace of mind and whatnot – don’t expect flowers, a drink or a meal from the doctors who ask you to strip off. Apparently it’s strictly business. Ah nuts!

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