Yesterday’s SleepFest (c) has been followed by a more awake but hardly less sedate day. The good news is that the pains in my stomach have virtually receded. Or transferred themselves to elsewhere, more like as my left leg is experiencing the exact same levels of ouch and argh as the stomach has been. I’m assuming that my body twisted itself into stupid shapes trying to cope with the stomach stuff and that somehow led to me pulling leg muscles. Or some fucker sneaked into my apartment during the night and tried to kick me in the cock but missed.
I’m not exceptionally happy at present. There are, of course, great things in my life for which I am grateful and which prevent me plunging into despair, but I’m going through the motions of life. What I want for my life and what appears possible are strangers to one another. I’ve no idea if I can make them better acquainted. Despite all the obstacles in my life I retain a degree of hope for the future but that hope is currently being seriously tested
It is better not to want anything, the better to increase one’s likelihood of feeling satisfied. I do not measure wealth in monetary terms but acknowledge I live in a capitalist world which would rather kick people like me in the cock. It’s virtually impossible to want for nothing in life: food is imperative, shelter is necessary. Beyond that things are desires rather than needs and of course I experience desire I simply know my desires would not be satisfied by cold hard cash. Money is a means to an end, I’m interested in the end and, even more so, in the journey from beginning to end.
I’m making little sense. Blame pain killers and a gammy leg. Or blame the system, man. Yeah, blame those fuckers.