I’m in my own version of purgatory as mind, emotions and body unite to batter and berate me. On top of the usual aches and pains of my physical conditions and to fully complement the mental malaise of latter days, yesterday I achieved full meltdown through the enticing medium of fever.
I had a long and gruelling therapy session mid afternoon during which I did more crying than talking (and I still managed to say quite a lot). When I got home the crying continued for three hours and more, accompanied by frantic shivering. When I was finally mentally together enough to dig out a thermometer I discovered that I was in high but not dangerous fever territory so I threw off as many layers as I could, despite how counterintuitive that seems when your body shivers like it’s freezing cold, and necked paracetamol.
Temperature is more normal today so either I had a fleeting bug or, more likely, the emotional trauma of the stuff I’m working on in therapy flipped some kind of internal switch and manifested as physical trauma too.
What am I working on? Self-image, regret, failures, loss, traumas ancient and more modern, deep sorrow. Certainly more than enough to mess your body about if the line between emotional and physical becomes blurred.
Details? Ha! Go back and read my deleted blog of 2007-2016. Oh you can’t because I deleted it. Good thing too. Whining, miserable bullshit. Just like this new version really.