Fate Holds The Key


The DUP try to solve one of life’s great mysteries

A long, long time ago, I can still remember how that soap opera used to make me puke…Nick Berry of television pointlessness said that every loser wins. In fact he sang it, ladies and gentlemen. Sang it like an alley cat being strangled by a dog with an accordion up its arse.

History hasn’t been kind to Nick Berry of television pointlessness. No longer does anyone care for his faintly gormless grin or his plinky plunky feem toon adaptations. And his cock once fell off when he was hopping onto a bicycle while dressed as a television policeman from the past. Possibly.

But today I remembered him. Remembered how punchable his face was, how much more punchable his voice made his face, how ultra gormless that grin was. And I remembered his Aristotelian contribution to populist philosophy with the notion that every loser wins. Because today I woke feeling like a loser and yet I went out and won at some life stuff simply because feeling like a loser annoyed me.

I’m hoping his other piece of sagacious brilliance is also true and that anyone CAN fall in love as I’ve had my eye on that jackdaw in the treetops for weeks now.

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