What an amiable birthday. First thing this morning a huge man kicked down the front door, presented me with a cake and said “You’re a wizard, Harris” before making my cousin grow a tail.
Then I went on a bicycle ride into the country with Julian, Dick, Anne, George and Timmy the dog. We stopped off to drink lashings of ginger beer and cram an entire pig into our stomachs before catching some smelly working class people who were up to no good.
After that I was arrested for waving my privates around in the sewing shop. I didn’t know it is illegal to play toy soldier parachutists in public.
Then Moomintroll brought me some powerful narcotics and we smoked our brains into oblivion and stared into a nonexistent fire repeatedly saying the word ‘primal’ to one another.
I invented hopscotch at one point only to discover it has already been invented by some other fucker. Git.
And then I invaded Mars. And I’ll do it all again tomorrow, you see if I don’t. Unless I don’t in which case you’ll see that I don’t and maybe never did or will.