Well this is wrong. 53.4% of us voted for no more snow ever. Only 46.6% voted for more snow. The will of the people is clear, no more snow ever. The NoSnows won, get over it.
But you can’t get over it. You’ve manipulated Facebook and touched people at the BBC in an erotic manner and now there are more of you fucking snowflakes falling from the sky. Fuck sake, it’s almost April. Do you only know one Prince song?
I blame Russia, naturally. They’ve been stockpiling snow for decades now and have begun to throw it eastwards as part of their long-term plan to ice up all the roads and railways and prevent us from drinking our favourite beverages because the deliveries cannot get through. It’s just like living in Narnia, only with nerve agents.