The visit of a friend this afternoon prevented my entire day being full of fear and pain. For the time they were here I was able to lift out of the concerns I’ve been having since yesterday that I’m in yet another flare up with my respiratory crap. When they left I fell back into the sort of depression that is my only protection from high anxiety but at least a portion of the day was nice.
I missed physio yesterday because I couldn’t even wash myself in the morning without being in pain and getting very breathless. How fucking tiresome. How anxious. How frightening. How boringly same old shit.
Ironically, yesterday I heard back from the US immigration after having applied to renew my visa with a view to going to Ohio in July. Having been unwell when I was last in the States I don’t want to experience that again. July is, of course, quite a way off, and it will be summery summertime made of summer so I might be ok. But November in California was really rather warm and that didn’t prevent my flare up.
Those who know me realise that I took to travelling again a couple of years ago in order to help me feel like my life isn’t not entirely over because of health issues and to give me happy memories to think about when I do succumb to my inevitable flare ups. But travelling while ill adds anxiety to the whole experience which can defeat the object a bit.
However, I love spending time with my Ohio friends. They are awesome humans who bring happyglad into my soul so, whether I’m having a flare up right now or not, I will soon check my finances and hopefully be able to book flights to that America.
Oh, on a side note, two years ago my visa application cost a nominal $14 to process. This time around, under a different president, it cost $70. Making America great again happens by ripping off British citizens who want to spend some vacation time in the Mid West.