Yesterday was a day of victories. Driving up to Ilminster to spend time with my Mum on her birthday – win. Also getting to see favoured aunt and uncle who came over to see Mum too – win. Being home in time and still strong enough to get to the writer’s group meeting in the evening – win. Listening to people’s work inspired by the writing prompts of the evening – win win win. Writing some stuff myself – win.
Today…oh the contrast. Today is all about being a total loser. All about terrible levels of pain and exhaustion. And about an overarching sadness that sits in my soul like a shark nestling in the intestines. I am entirely in pieces and would want to die if I were not so terrified of the idea of being dead.
I’ve slept as much as I can. Exhaustion demands it, but it also requires food which, ironically, the body isn’t best equipped to do anything spectacular about when it is exhausted. Sandwiches and cake make some energy but not quite enough to have gone on to prepare a more substantial meal. Vicious circle time – need energy to make decent food <-> not enough energy to make decent food.
Tomorrow will come. Well I assume it will with typical human arrogance that I can predict the future when in fact almost anything might happen, including me turning into a fish and being eaten by a bear. Well ok, not that, but nuclear holocaust might. You do read the news, right? Cheerful, ain’t i?