Category Archives: Language

Never Simile At A Crododile

You know similes? When someone mentions a thing and defines it in comparison to a different thing? Like, for example, saying an early Spring is like premature ejaculation because it is sort of exciting but ultimately overwhelming and rather disappointing … Continue reading

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Phantasmagoria

Beware the ides of March. In a month’s time. Meantime, don’t beware of nothing. Or do. Up to you really. Personally ima beware of bitey dogs eyeing up my gonads, Russia, eating urinal cake and anything stabby. A comprehensive list, … Continue reading

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Rhythm-A-Ning

Bebop. It’s a word. If you were a hepcat you’d know it’s a word without me having to tell you. You’d also have a terrible gasoline habit, be a tremendous fire risk and plagiarise early Comic Strip dialogue. I’ve spent … Continue reading

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Man In A Thursday

There was once a man who lived in a Thursday. It was a small Thursday made from the leftover pieces of larger Thursdays people no longer wanted. The man was nothing if not thrifty, which is a weird expression if … Continue reading

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Write Turn, Clyde

Although I managed to get out to buy groceries yesterday I didn’t feel like I’d done anything more than drag my reluctant carcass to a dreary chore. When insomnia beat up on me all night I doubted Wednesday and I … Continue reading

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Even If It Was For Just One Day

Wouldn’t it be good to be in your shoes, even though they’re three sizes smaller than mine and I am bound to trip over on the six inch heels?  Nik Kershaw’s first draft, ladies and gentlemen. Other notable first drafts … Continue reading

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Rolling In The Deep

Roll up, roll up. Mop herrings, top desks, er discos. All of you roll up and take a gander at this sparkling Tuesday what I’ve laid on for you. Sunshine, patches of blue in that there sky, you’d have to … Continue reading

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