Category Archives: television

Leg End

I’ve had an advance preview of the weekend and I must say it’s looking really good for all those who like being at home and eating eggy bread while staring at their socks. But wait, what’s this? I haven’t got … Continue reading

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Brain The Size of a Planet (Harris)

If you like your Fridays stupid then you’re in luck. This one is the stupidest Friday since the last stupid Friday. It’s no good at algebra, hasn’t read any books, thinks Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel and eats its breakfast … Continue reading

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I Could Live The Life Of Mister Walter Mitty

If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit go back to the nineteen-seventies where you belong, you raisin-obsessed snacker. We’ve got enough problems trying to cope with a Covid made of 19s without you demanding Club biscuits like … Continue reading

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Groovin’ All Week With You

Monday was yesterday, was a million years ago, was every day scrunched up into a lumpy package with sharp corners and rammed up my arse. Bit melodramatic. Let’s just say I didn’t Monday very well and am already eyeing Tuesday … Continue reading

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What’s Mr Chips Doing?

Week six of total lockdown begins. Which should be a game show. Total Lockdown, hosted by Richard ‘Not A Real Hamster’ Hammond, a can of oil and a prison governor, in which contestants try to recreate the cover art of … Continue reading

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Can You Hear My Bum Fernando?

Is it possible to develop Stockholm Syndrome concerning yourself? I hope so as I might otherwise have to acknowledge that ultimately I am being confined by order of Boris Johnson and I really, really, don’t want to start developing salacious … Continue reading

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Bus Wankers

Anti-sceptic wipes are good. You wipe them over the face of cynical people and they stop being so tediously matter of fact for ten minutes. Anti-facterial creams are good too – apply liberally to those who believe you can prove … Continue reading

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Reg Dwight’s All Right For Smiting

Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, Saturday, other lyrics from an Elton John tune. He plays piano and does singing, you know. Also, it is Saturday: for once my days and my random earworm have synced up. Remember when weekends were full of … Continue reading

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Moo Moo

I sat out in the yard playing my guitar earlier and it’s hot. The weather, but also my guitar playing, obvs. The hot weather bit makes me concerned that lockdown is going to be broken by lots of idiots and … Continue reading

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Plight At The End Of The Tunnel

I’m not a celebrity don’t get me out of here until the covids fuck off. Housebounds of Hull. Saturday night no fever. Coming up with titles for new television shows relevant to the current global crisis is difficult. Luckily nobody … Continue reading

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