In order to delve into how health anxiety affects my days, the better to consider ways of lessening the impact through therapy, I have to focus on how my anxieties crop up concerning my body. Which makes me anxious.
Ahead of today’s session I had a coffee and a catch up with Si. Do you know Si? He knows you. He goes to Iceland, the land of the ice and snow, yet still sees through your windows because he has super vision. We were having our usual sort of conversation – experiences laced into surreal threads as is our wont – when I was aware I was feeling lots of pain and thus lots of anxiety.
If the rest of my day had involved any other kind of appointment than therapy I’d have taken to my bed and phoned in to apologise for no show. But the timing was actually perfect, even if acknowledging this fact didn’t make it any easier to deal with.
While the work I did last year in therapy was focused on areas I feel reasonably articulate about, this health anxiety stuff often defies words as it is primal and so terribly deep-rooted. It’s not easy to judge the sort of progress I’m making, but that’s not only for me to measure so I’ll have to trust my therapist through this part of the process. We built up trust last year so hopefully I’ll hang on in there during these testing sessions.
And now I’ve taken to my bed. If you have chocolate and trifle you can join me. Ha ha, you thought I was making some kind of innuendo when actually I just want chocolate and trifle.