Yesterday I drove around to complete a few chores prior to seeing a couple of friends in different locations. On reflection I pushed myself too hard after a week of doing quite a lot (for me). As a consequence I am finding Friday to be a real struggle: I am in pain, I am close to tears all the time for no actual reason, and I am yet again reacquainted with the end of my own particular tether.
It’s fortunate for me that one of my chores did not take place today, then, as who knows quite how much abuse I might have hurled at someone who pissed me off when I undertook that chore yesterday if I’d been as emotionally compromised as I am today.
It’s a simple task to pop down to your doctor’s surgery and fill out a repeat prescription form, right? It is if some selfish arse doesn’t ignore the clear instructions that there is no customer parking at the surgery other than the two disabled spaces. It is if that same selfish arse doesn’t pull up across the two disabled spaces making it technically still possible to get into the spaces if only those they are designed for weren’t disabled people who may well find added tight manoeuvring only increases their problems because of the extra stress and physical manipulation required to pass a camel through the eye of a fucking needle.
My side window was down and the selfish arse heard me when I uttered somewhat acceptable and understated words when confronted with the added manoeuvres required to get into one of the spaces for which I have a relevant disabled badge. What they heard me say was “And the reason you’ve parked like a selfish arse, blocking off these disabled spaces is…?”
Oh gosh, the worst swear word in the world? I think not. She made the mistake of taking umbrage with me, never a grand idea when my gander is up and I’m already trying to maintain my calm rather than degenerate into a foul-mouthed tirade. I was still calm enough and responded to her insufficient defence of blocking off the small car park by saying that she’d ‘only be a couple of minutes’ by speaking her genuine reason out loud – “In other words it’s because you’re more important than anybody else and don’t have to pay any attention to the request the surgery itself puts out not to use this car park unless you have a relevant badge or are a member of staff.”
She didn’t like my revelation of the truth of her actions and resorted to the sort of finger pointing bullshit most selfish arses utilise when they get called out for their behaviour. “You don’t look very disabled to me.”
I was, by this stage, out of my vehicle and trying to forget this stupid twat’s obstructive actions and get on with doing what I was there to do. I had already ambled past her so threw a cursory “The reasons why and how my body is fucked are none of your fucking business.” Aware that this last might have been heard by the receptionist I immediately apologised to her for my language and got on with filling out my form. Well, nobody else was behaving like a cunt towards me so I wasn’t going to take it out on the whole world, was I?
Today I regret that I didn’t deploy greater sarcasm. Today I would have torn into the selfish arse either, as I intimated earlier, with a sweary diatribe the likes of which she’s unlikely to have heard from a disabled before or, preferably, with the disdain her attitudes deserved, to whit:
“Oh thank you so much, ‘Doctor’. Not only are you the queen of the parking lot but obviously you are fully qualified to make an instant assessment of my medical needs. Can you clear your diary for early November so you can accompany me on my next appointment with one of the several specialists I have been wasting the time of so that you can explain they no longer need to keep expending time, effort and resources bothering to try keeping me alive? As if I’d want to continue living in a world populated by self-interested, never-done-a-damn-thing-wrong-in-their-lives cunts like you. If I might diagnose you in return, I believe you to be in need of a healthy dose of going and fucking yourself.”
Oh the list of things I shoulda said in this world just grows longer.