Tag Archives: USA

The Truth About 2019

January Aliens ate Prince Philip’s face while he was driving to pick up twenty Rothman’s and a few scratchies, and he was kept away from the public while royal scientists rebuilt him. Or until he died.  Also, Gareth Gates won … Continue reading

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Couldn’t Put Humpty Together Again

It seems I’m not meant to arrive in America via Chicago’s O’Hare airport. In July 2018 a vacation had to be cancelled because of my stupid lungs. This week I’ve just had to cancel another USA trip but only indirectly … Continue reading

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America When Will You Send Your Eggs To India?

I have some questions for that United State at Americans, which I’ll write below in case any state, or unity, or America reads it and has answers. Firstly: what’s Thanksgiving like in Toledo, Ohio in 2019? Because I know what … Continue reading

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Shabby Road

It’s getting like a bed-in here. Except I’m not John and Yoko, the world’s press isn’t interested in why I’m spending so much time in bed, Peter Brown hasn’t called to say anything and nobody’s gonna crucify me. But Christ, … Continue reading

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I Don’t Think Boromir Knows About Second Brexits

Monday morning in the capital of this is England. My hotel room was hot and I did not sleep too well but I didn’t die either so I’m taking this as a positive and hoping London doesn’t hate me quite … Continue reading

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Presto. Not Preston.

Hey presto! Thursday is here. Not that it’s a long awaited day. Well, for United Statesians it probably is because they stopped being dependent on this day in history and made the Englishers fuck off home. But I am an … Continue reading

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Hitting Balls With Sticks

It’s clear I made the right decision to stay home and not drive to Dorchester yesterday as I’ve spent most of the time since being all tired and sleepy and snoozy and not awakey. Also being ouchy. It brings me … Continue reading

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