Monthly Archives: August 2017

Celebrity Death Match

I’ll always remember where I was when I heard the news that John Lennon had been shot. I was on a sidewalk in New York, outside the Dakota Building, my handgun quietly smoking in my pocket, my well-thumbed copy of … Continue reading

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Random Thoughts of a Shut-In

I guess it doesn’t matter whether I’m feeling well and capable or not because Kim Jong Un and Donald ‘Fuck’ Trump seem determined to burn the earth in a babyman nuclear inferno. Arnold Schwarzenegger is taller than you might imagine. … Continue reading

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Nope-a-Dope

No. Just say no. Say no to having a real life full of other humans and activity. Say no to being able to breathe as well as normal people. Say no to any day that doesn’t involve high levels of … Continue reading

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Wank Holiday

I’ve cracked bank holiday grocery shopping. It’s easy really, simply go to an unfashionable supermarket half an hour before they close (early) and wear a t-shirt that says ‘I kill everyone who talks to me’. Even without the t-shirt I … Continue reading

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Pardon Me For Breathing, Which I Never Do Anyway So I Don’t Know Why I Bother To Say It

Not so good at humaning today. All I’m good for is eating junk and wearing undergarments. That’s it. Forget my cleverness edumacation, I’m taking some time out from being clever in order to spend more time with my stupid. I … Continue reading

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People Who Don’t Like People

I went outside. It was all sky and buildings and noises. And people. Fucking people everywhere. Big people. Small people. Weird people. Glamorous people. Old people. Young people. Busy people. Layabout people. And all of them arseholes. Especially me. It’s … Continue reading

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As Though Of Hemlock…

I’m the King of Asleep. Duvets bow down in reverence, pillows plump themselves up extra plumpy just to please me. I make the greatest snoozy snoring noises through my nose parts. I never dribble on the sheets, unless I do … Continue reading

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