Monthly Archives: October 2019

Belly Jabies

Shopping. Didn’t the Pet Shop Boys write a song called that? And then shove gerbils up their bums? Didn’t The Style Council have a favourite shop? And no gerbils up their bums? I went shopping earlier. No rodents involved. Shopping … Continue reading

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Your Head Would Make An Excellent Bong

Nebuliser. Strange word. And using a nebuliser to take some of my respiratory medications is a strange thing, really. The nebuliser machine is like a sandwich maker which doesn’t make sandwiches at all but instead blows air into a tube … Continue reading

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And Dr. Dre Said

My name is Lola, I am a showgirl… …no wait. My name is Steve, I am a twatbag, but that was thirty minutes ago when there used to be mofos… …hmmm, keep waiting and then stop waiting when I’ve eventually … Continue reading

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The Paper Bag Was On My Knee

The weekend’s chucking of up may have only occurred on one evening over the weekend but the knock-on effects continue. My appetite is minimal (unless you’re offering cake) and my neck and back muscles are utterly fucked. I did manage … Continue reading

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Chuck

There are so many things I don’t enjoy doing at two o’clock in the morning that if I were to make a list that list in itself would definitely become so onerous a task that it would be included on … Continue reading

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America When Will You Send Your Eggs To India?

I have some questions for that United State at Americans, which I’ll write below in case any state, or unity, or America reads it and has answers. Firstly: what’s Thanksgiving like in Toledo, Ohio in 2019? Because I know what … Continue reading

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Make Like Buddha

It’s hard to not want things, to develop ambitions and aspirations. As we age our aspirations may change, our ambitions hopefully become a little more altruistic and a lot more realistic, but it is rare for someone in the Western … Continue reading

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Isn’t Science Really Brilliant, Eh?

So many back episodes of The Infinite Monkey Cage on the BBC Sounds app. So much apathy for actual existence in my soul. Put these two facts together and it’s no wonder I spend my days listening to Robin Ince … Continue reading

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Bedmass

Apparently this week is being sponsored by Depression and Apathy. I would thank them but I can’t be arsed and who the fuck cares anyway? I have a lot of things to sort out, not least building up the strength … Continue reading

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‘Ark The Angels Come

Oh good, I’m virtually unable to sleep at night again and am once more spending my days  alternating between naps and lethargic ouchness. Even extreme night sleep measures such as smashing myself over the head with a killer whale didn’t … Continue reading

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